On Being a Parent

Life moves quickly, ever changing. Just when I find myself settling into a routine, life happens and the cart gets turned upside down. It's not a bad thing, necessarily, just different.

Children grow into young adults before our very eyes. Many assume this means the parenting days come to a close. They assume wrong. Parenting changes? Yes. Ends? Never. Our little charges become our friends, sharing their hearts, struggles, and joys. Sometimes the struggle is harder than others. There's a delicate balance when you're a parent between helping, and helping them find their own way. For several of my children, I'm now about the business of the latter.

My two older children left our home this past year: one got married, and the other went to college. Having them back in our home has been good, but we've had to step back and re-evaluate. Working on relationships is time-consuming and sometimes emotionally draining, even when things are going well, which they are.

Having older children in the home should be beneficial to both the parents and the children. For the young adults, they need a haven, a place to return at the end of the day where they know they are loved. Home should be a place where discussions can be had without being judged, where they can try new things without too much risk. At the same time, no parent wants an adult child free-loading while they are left behind to hold everything together. Relationships are give and take, and thankfully, we've discussed that for years in our home. This doesn't mean that we don't have our conflicts just like every other family, but it does mean that they aren't hearing something new for the first time.

And so, our family dynamics keep evolving. Autumn returned home from a failed marriage, Mac returned from college for the summer, Collin headed off for 5 weeks to work as a camp counselor, and Abigail, my baby, has a regular baby-sitting job earning $10 an hour!

Mac and Autumn are working 40 hour weeks, arriving home exhausted, but still pitching in to do dishes, mow the lawn, etc. This is the stuff real life is made of. Good husbands and wives can't arrive home at the end of the day and expect to do nothing but think of themselves until they return to work the next day. And so, the training continues.

As for me, I'm busy in the garden, preparing school lessons for the upcoming year, and building relationships. My husband continues to bless me daily with his patience and love. We are well. Thanks for asking!

Sunset Walk

The weather has been beautiful, calling us outdoors all day and evening long.

And, as soon as anyone mentions a walk, Daisy gets ready to go.

Pancake Party

He was on one side of the kitchen frying bacon.

She was on the opposite side of the kitchen, cooking pancakes.

And they met in the middle to sing a duet. What is it about pancakes for supper in this house, anyway?

Family Ties

We recently traveled west to visit my niece whom we hadn't seen since she was 5 months old. Sometimes life gets in the way of what is really important. We're trying to change that. Tessa is a year older than Abigail, and is on the top left of the picture. Don't she and Autumn look like they could be twins?

We had a great time visiting. We baked cookies, played games, and the children just hung out, took pictures, and made friendships.

Tessa has two younger brothers. Meet Bradley.

And Coby. We found that our hearts have lots of room for them as well!

Broken

Many of you have noticed that something has been missing around here. You noticed my complete silence in November and most of December. You noticed my lack of posting about Autumn. And then you noticed that I did mention Autumn, but not Jon. You have emailed me, lifted our family in prayer, and been an encouragement. Thank you.

Many of you already know the story, because you took the time to email. No matter how many times the story is told, it is no easier to tell.

We had high hopes for our oldest daughter. Her courtship seemed so wonderful. Things aren't always what they seem. People aren't always what they seem.

Nearly 18 months ago now, Jon approached my husband about courting Autumn. Verne had a long list of questions for him. Questions that should have been answered truthfully, but weren't. The damage began. When a person habitually lies, they have to remember what they said, and continue to lie to cover up the first things. It's a vicious cycle, really. One that can't be escaped without consequence.

We have taught our children from the time they were very, very young the importance of entering into a marriage carefully. Divorce is not an easy option. Ever. It's not to be used to fix an argument, or difference of opinion. Marriage is hard... always. No matter how much you love the other person, it's still going to take work. There will be days when you don't like the person you are married to at all. Still, that doesn't mean that you just walk away.

That being said, I do believe that although it's never mandated, sometimes, divorce is biblical. Annulment was suggested (even by people in the church) but the state doesn't allow for it in this situation.

Jon and Autumn are no longer married. She has been back home with us for as long as they lived together. I won't elaborate here, but you can read more at Autumn's blog. She told enough to help you understand why they are divorced, but by no means has she given every little detail of what she has been through, nor will she. 1 Peter 4: 7-8 says, "The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."

Our family is changed... every one of us. There are no words to describe what we've been through. Anger, grief, sadness. Yes, but it's so much more than even that. It's hard to trust. We let Jon into our lives and our hearts. We treated him like our own, and he had no regard for that love. We gave him the most precious thing we have: our daughter, and he did love her nor cherish her as Christ loves the church.

Several of us have drawn inward, afraid of being hurt. Afraid of getting close. It's made me very cynical since several people whom we thought were friends have shown that they aren't. It's been a rough season of life.

We're taking each day as it comes, looking for the good around us, and trying to start anew. That doesn't mean that Jon never existed. We, in no way, pretend that for a minute. Rather, we turn to God, and try to find the bright spots as they come.

I ask that as you leave comments that you remember to be kind with your words. We are real people with hurting hearts.

To Build a Fire

We live in a home with an electric heat pump. Those of you whom have them know what I'm talking about when I say that we are never warm in the winter. Never mind that we keep the thermostat set at 62 F. We decided to install a ventless propane log fireplace, not only to supplement the heat pump, but to give us heat in the event of a power outage. On February 5th, the corner of our dining room was empty.

And then the framing started. We're big do-it-yourself-ers here. You learn by doing, and believe me, we've learned. Sometimes that means doing things more than once, but it's all a part of the process.

Not only do we benefit from these projects, but our children do, too. I'm thankful that Verne and I both had parents that did the same. I learned an immense amount just from having to stand at the ready to hand my dad tools or hold a flashlight.

Some of the children enjoy these projects more than others. Collin is ready to help as soon as he hears about the project. He's a great help, really. He and I figured out how many rocks we would need to face the fireplace, and we were right on. This is such a great way to demonstrate the practical aspect of math! Autumn is a huge help, too, and doesn't mind getting her hands dirty.

Framing took one weekend. When your walls aren't perfectly square it creates problems.

The next weekend after all of the framing was up, Verne installed metal lath, and then placed a scratch coat of cement over that. I didn't get pictures that night. I was tired, and went to bed while he stayed up all night to finish.

You might remember that I woke up to this.

Truth be told, I thought it was beautiful, and hated to cover it up.

Verne rested most of the day since the scratch coat had to dry for 24 hours, and then we started again the next evening. Time to hang the rocks! We had never done anything like this before, but did tons of research before we started. We were amazed when the stone actually stuck to the wall.

This turned into an all night party. Verne, Collin, Autumn, and I laid out the patterns of rocks, and took turns buttering and placing them on the wall. It was fun! We sang, we danced, we snacked, and got entirely goofy.

We couldn't believe how pretty it looked, and that we had actually done this ourselves. Abigail was a big help, too. We finished around noon, having been up all night. There was cement dust everywhere. She, single-handedly, cleaned up, while the rest of us went to bed. I was so thankful to wake up five hours later to a perfectly clean house, with the table set prettily for supper. Never underestimate the power of a young person! Oh, how we praised her, and she beamed!

Next, came the grout. Who knew that it would be so much like cake decorating? Turns out I was very good at this, and so I ended up being the one to complete the job. I wasn't strong enough to squeeze a contractor's grout bag, so I ended up using disposable Wilton cake decorating bags, and they worked beautifully. While I'm happy with the way it turned out, it was a job I didn't enjoy. We tinted the grout, and I think I was allergic to the dye. My hands felt like they were on fire even though I wore gloves. I'm glad that's done!

Verne and I had visited a local Mennonite man about making a mantel. We told him exactly what we wanted, and he explained that he was very busy and probably wouldn't get to it for about 8 weeks. He thought the mantel would be $300. I was shocked, and encouraged Verne to try building it himself. I knew he could do it, and I knew that he wouldn't take 8 weeks.

We bought the lumber last weekend, and Verne got all of the pieces cut. He fastened them together and sanded everything smooth. Over the weekend, he primed and painted everything. Total cost? $110.

And last night, he hung it up.

Start to finish, we did it all. (Tonight he gets to put the baseboard back on!)

Casper

Let me introduce you to the newest member of the family: Casper. He's Autumn's little kitty, and can usually be found getting into some sort of trouble. He likes to jump on tables, unwind yarn around table and chair legs, and wrestle with Chester.

Daisy and Chester are missing him today while he's at the vet getting things attended to.

Winter Wonderland

A Day at the Mill

The Mill. It's a favorite spot of ours for photography, and feeding the ducks. This day, we forgot the duck food.

Abigail was happy to have her photo taken.

Collin, not so much.

He was more interested in taking photos himself.

He must take after his mama.

Mother

By Abigail

Mother looked out the kitchen window and sighed. It was her birthday, and everyone had gone and left her alone on a day that was supposed to be celebrated. But that didn’t matter. She never cared about her own birthday, always rushing from one task to the next, only worrying about squeezing enough time to make everyone’s birthday, and other days special. What bothered her was the echo of silence, telling her that she was all alone. Not any one to talk with was there. Only the quietness was with her, all around her, enveloping her. She decided to take a walk. It was mid-fall, and the leaves were turning deep crimson, autumn gala orange and bright yellows. She donned a sweater, and stepped outside. How beautiful everything was! “The heavens declare His Majesty!” she exclaimed. The birds were chirping, the air was crisp, and she felt as if she were soaring among the beauty of God’s creation. She walked at a slow pace, taking everything in. Finally, she turned toward home. As she was walking up the front porch steps, she suddenly stopped. She had been all wrong about thinking that she was alone this afternoon. Yes, she knew it now; God would always be there to guide her, to talk with, listening to everything. No human being could she count on as much as she could count on our Lord and Savior. She walked in the door, without noticing that there were cars parked in the driveway. She hung her sweater up, and walked into the living room. As she did, her husband walked up and gave her a hug and kiss. “Happy Birthday my love.” He murmured, gently stroking her hair. She instantly was lost in his love as she clung to him, drinking in his every word. At that moment, the rest of the family sprung up from various hiding spots and shouted, “Happy Birthday!” Then, various friends came, and they fellowshipped together. She received many wonderful gifts, which she enjoyed, but of those she did not care. She only enjoyed her family and friends' company on one of the precious days that the Lord has provided.

Her children and husband came up to her, after everyone had gone their separate ways, and thanked her for the many things she had done for them. “You do so much, and we never do enough for you! We can never thank you enough, dear Mother.”

The End

Mother was written with feeling, for my own mother’s birthday. The last line that Mother’s children spoke in the story is what I feel towards Mom. Happy Birthday Mom!!!! Love,

Abigail Grace

Visit with Mac

We travelled to spend the weekend with Mac. Since he had to work Friday night, we spent the evening shopping, and at a Japanese steakhouse. What fun! Verne has gone on business trips, but the children and I had never been before. We'll definitely go back.

Saturday we shopped some more, bowled two games, and got caught in a torrential downpour!

The kids at the RUF tailgate didn't mind a bit! It did look like fun using the huge puddle as a Slip and Slide, but I didn't envy the parents who had to take them home.

The rain stopped, and we went to the football game. There was a low turnout due to the weather, but it was still a good time.

Home again, and back to our routine!

Lazy Days of Summer

When we woke in the morning and the outside temperature was 82F, and the pool was 84F, we knew it was going to be a great day for swimming. Mac was working, and Verne was out of town so Collin, Abigail, and I spent the entire day playing.

When's the last time you spent the entire day in your bathing suit? Can't remember? Then it has probably been entirely too long! I generally sit on the sidelines until I can't take the heat anymore and then I get in.

Swimming. Badminton. More swimming. We tore ourselves out of the pool to eat supper, and then did our chores before bed.

A Berry Good Morning

With Autumn married, Collin in New Mexico, and Verne and Mac at work, Abigail and I have loads of time together. This morning after sleeping in we headed to the berry patch at the back of our property. She was bound and determined to get the ones that were out of reach, and climbed a fence and hung over to get closer.

Yum! We got almost 4 cups.

And she took a picture of me, too! This afternoon we're hitting the pool.

Adventure of a Lifetime

He's packed and ready to go. From home, to Chicago, to New Mexico by train. Collin will be gone for 16 days- 12 of those will be spent on trails, carrying everything he needs on his back. If you've never heard of Philmont, you can check it out here.

Cooling Off

I took the dog outside this afternoon, and had a juvenile moment of running through the puddle on the front porch. I quickly called Abigail out to join me, and she in turn called Autumn.

It's been raining every day for weeks, keeping us out of the pool. The humidity is high, though the temperatures aren't. The break from packing Autumn's room did us all good.

Even Daisy enjoyed it.