Living With Grandma

Grandma moved in with us March 31, 2006. She is 83. Pap died in April of 1990, and she lived alone after his death, until she came here. Gram is in excellent health for her age. She does have scoliosis, arthritis, and osteoporosis, but all in all, she's very healthy. Her mind is still very sharp. Grandma's biggest complaints are that her back hurts, and she swells when it is too warm or humid.

Gram wasn't getting any younger, and with her back hurting, it was getting harder for her to take care of an entire house by herself. She lived several hours away from her children.

I've always enjoyed Grandma. I spent entire summers with her as I was growing up. She was firm, but loving. After we married, and Pap died, Grandma would come to our house for a week long stay at least once a year. She loved to play games and help with supper. She enjoyed the children, and their escapades.

Verne and I were concerned, and asked her to move in with us. Verne added on a room for her, complete with her own bathroom. The girls and I went to pack her up several weeks before the move so that she wouldn't have to do any heavy work.

Living with Grandma is different than what I had expected. The entire family loves having her here, and Verne and I often discuss what a good decision it was to bring her into our home.

Upon her arrival, Grandma told me that she didn't want to impose on my evenings with Verne and that she would probably stay in her room after supper. That was fine, and we really did appreciate the time to ourselves. Because we homeschool, I am busy for much of the day. That too was fine because Gram watches her "stories."

When the children finished their school for the day, they would ask Grandma to play cards, Scrabble, Yahtzee, etc. At first she did so, but then she started to say no, because it was too difficult for her to sit at the table. So, she would sit in her room or on the porch and read.

Grandma was a Walker Texas Ranger fan, and the children would gather in her room in the evenings to watch with her. She seemed to really enjoy this. She would kid them about selling tickets to the show. After a while, she started to tell them that she had seen all of the episodes, and she didn't like to watch reruns. She chose to watch movies on Lifetime that really were not suitable for the children, so they stopped gathering in her room. She watches the same movies over and over again. Collin does occasionally watch baseball with her, but he really isn't interested. He does it to be kind.

Gram often complains that things slip her mind because she doesn't have conversation enough. I bite my tongue, because she is choosing to sit alone. She very rarely spends time in our living room. Even when we specifically ask her to come watch a movie with us, she declines. She says our TV is too small, and she isn't comfortable sitting on our furniture. We have the chair in there that she sat in for years.

Now, I know that Gram is getting old. I know that I need to be patient. And truly, I feel that I am. I breath prayers heavenward all day long. I want to show my grandmother the respect that she deserves. I love her with all of my heart. I want her to be comfortable, and to feel like our home is her home.

The difficulty is that I am a woman. God created me to be Verne's helpmeet. I like my home to be orderly, but I also don't mind a bit of a mess for sewing, etc. I have a certain way of cooking, disciplining my children, etc. It's hard to have another woman looking over my shoulder questioning the way that I do things.

Although Grandma's mind is still good, I notice that she is becoming more child-like. She keeps track of everything that is eaten at the table. She is concerned that she might not get her "share". The cute thing is that Grandma insists that she does not like sweets, but she counts every cookie that the children take. She'll make comments like, "I need to cut back on my portions, and stop eating sweets." That being said, she is an adult, and can choose if she wants to eat something or not. Not wanting to withhold anything from her, we will ask her if she would like a piece of dessert. She exclaims, "Of course I want some dessert! If I don't get it now, there won't be any left." The children simply grin at us.

Grandma has never done any handwork in her life. She was an excellent homemaker, and cook, but then she would sit and watch her soaps. I like to be creative. I love to sew, quilt, cross-stitch, etc. When Grandma sees me working on something she asks, "What are you making now?" It's the tone of her voice when she says it. As if I am wasting my time. I want to teach my girls to keep themselves busy by making things for their homes. Modest clothing is hard to find today, and I want them to be able to sew for their families. I want them to be homemakers, not housekeepers. Gram doesn't want to come and sit with me while I work, but maybe she wishes that I would sit in her room with her. Perhaps she sees my handwork as taking up my time. Truthfully though, I'm usually working on projects while she is watching soap operas.

When Grandma lived alone, her sons would visit every few months. She would spend two months with one of her daughters in North Carolina. She would spend a few weeks with my mom at Christmas. Then, she'd go to my uncle's for a week. She has been here for a year and a half. My one uncle did take her for several weeks last September, and is taking her for a week again this year. My other uncle has seen her once. My aunt saw her when we travelled to NC for vacation. We spent one night at their home, and then stopped and ate lunch with them on the way back home. My parents have visited once, and we went to see them once. I think that Grandma is feeling forgotten. Her children call, but she really has not seen much of them since coming here.

So, as far as yesterday's comment, I know that I need to let it roll off of my back. I'm not skinny, but I'm not obese. (And Grandma is much larger than I am.) My husband is happy with my figure. I need to remember to be patient with Grandma, just as I would with a child. We tend to say hurtful things to the people that we know love us, and will forgive us. Just as a child gets frustrated and throws a tantrum, so does Grandma. This is Grandma's home, and I wouldn't have it any other way.