Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Make Your Husband Your Priority

Oftentimes, women can get so caught up in caring for their children that their husbands have to take a backseat, or worse yet, become resented when they desire their wife's attention and affection. This can be especially true for women with very young children.  

Motherhood can be all consuming. We're responsible for the hygienical, nutritional, and spiritual needs of our children. Whether we home school or not, we must at least assist in our children's education. Add to all of this the care and maintenance of the home with the tasks of cooking, cleaning, and laundry, and we can be easily overwhelmed. 

When husbands come home, they are eager to spend time with those whom they love, but are frequently greeted by wives that are too tired or preoccupied with children or getting super on the table to make him feel welcome. This is a big mistake. 

Children learn what they live. After making sure that our children know the Lord, His sacrifice, and His love for them, the most important thing that we can do for them is to love our husbands. Our children are given to us for a season, but our husbands are given to us for a lifetime. 

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother 
and hold fast to his wife,
 and they shall become one flesh. 
Genesis 2:24

He answered, " Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said,
 ' Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh'? 
 So they are no longer two but one flesh. 
What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 
Matthew 19:4-6

Muddy waters within the family make everyone miserable; fathers, mother, and children. If there is disharmony between the mother and father, children are most definitely affected by it. Children who are made the priority in the family relationship are often spoiled, and are not learning the biblical design for marriage. 

So, how do we make our husbands our priority?

Do you make yourself presentable each day? 

One of the first mistakes that women make is letting their appearance go. Yes, I know that babies take time. However, you can place a baby in an infant seat, their crib, or playpen while you get a 10 minute shower. You'll feel better, and your husband will be blessed.  

♥Do you greet him with a welcome home kiss and hug?

Even though my children aren't "little" any longer, 5 PM seems to be my busiest time of the day. I'm routinely in the kitchen working on dinner when my husband arrives home from work. Despite the fact that I'm busy, as soon as I hear his vehicle pull into the driveway, I dash to the door and stand there waiting. "Daddy's home!" The children generally line up behind me. I get the first kiss (and usually the second third, and fourth...) while the children clamour, "I'm next!" My children have learned from me, from the time that they were very little, that when Daddy arrives, we greet him, and make him feel special. I often have to head straight back to the kitchen, but he understands, and usually follows me to chat about the day. 

♥Do you make his favorite dinners, or only things that the children will eat? 

I listen when my husband drops hints about a particular meal that he's hungry for. I often ask him for menu suggestions, and we almost always have dessert since he has a sweet tooth.  I hate cooked mushrooms, but I'll often make a recipe that includes them because I know how much my husband likes them. These may seem like little things, but he notices. 

♥Do you spend time together? Alone?

We've always lived on a modest one income salary, and didn't have the money to go on dates when our children were young. 7 PM was our children's usual bedtime, and it was followed strictly. We didn't wait for a certain night to be our "Date Night", but we spent entire evenings together all week long. We played games, and ate ice cream, or watched movies and had popcorn. Sometimes we would just sit and talk. We often didn't drag ourselves to bed until the wee hours of the morning because we were enjoying one another's company too much. 

The truth is, the more you make your husband a priority, the happier you will be. You must cultivate a relationship with your husband now if you want to have a relationship later. Just as we can't ignore our children when they are young and then expect them to be our friends when they are adults, we can't ignore our husbands until the children are grown. 

♥Do you listen to your husband? 

Do you know about his work? Do you ask questions in an effort to get to know him better, or to understand his interests? My husband is in sales and is thrilled when he mentions an account and I interject, "Oh, you mean so and so in western ...."  It shows that I've paid attention and that what he does matters to me. It also tickles him that I can (vaguely) talk football though it doesn't really interest me. It does interest me when he smiles because he feels loved and cherished! :0)

♥Do you ask for his advice? 

When I ask for his opinion, I listen to what he says. If I were to second guess him, or to go to another man for advice, I would be disrespecting him. God gave me my husband, specifically. He who knit my innermost being knew the kind of man that I would respond best to. I may not always agree with Verne on every issue, but I trust that he has my best interest in mind. Many women find this especially hard when it comes to issues regarding their children. We think that as mothers, we know what's the most appropriate action for them. Many times in the past, I've acted without consulting my husband because, "I just knew what he would say." That way of thinking almost always gets me into trouble. I then have to confess that I acted without his counsel, and that I made a mistake.  

♥Do you adorn yourself with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit?  

Do you nag because you want your own way or do you mention a topic to your husband in a respectful way, and then wait patiently for his answer, accepting his response  graciously, even if it doesn't result in the outcome that you desired? 

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands,

 so that even if some do not obey the word,

 they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 

when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

 Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, 

which in God's sight is very precious.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves,

 by submitting to their own husbands,

 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

 And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 

1 Peter 3:1-6

Mother's Day is this coming Sunday. What kind of message are you sending to your children about marriage? Do they think that their daddy matters little and that he'll wait, or do they think that their daddy is an amazing man and that their mommy is proud to be his wife and best friend? 

Proverbs 5:18 tells husbands to "rejoice in the wife of your youth".

Can your husband rejoice in you? 


jAne said...

What a blessing you are in reminding us of these oh so important matters, Tracy. :o)


Sheri said...

Thank you Tracy! This post was full of words and scripture that blessed me as a wife... it is so easy to put my children's needs first and I need REMINDERS often to keep my sweetheart my "top" priority under God! Thanks again!

Country Mouse said...

Thank you so much for this reminder. Recently I have been experiencing morning sickness, and have not felt quite up to doing some of these things, and have made excuses. This was a nice motivation to remind me to grab that shower ;).

Mrs. Rabe said...

Wonderful post Tracy! So true and great reminders! We do the "Daddy's home!" thing too! Makes a man happy to come home to people who are excited that he is there!

Terri said...

What wonderful reminders, Tracy! Thank you for this post. :-)

Danielle said...

Thank you for taking the time to write this all out! It is such a needed reminder:-)

~Karen~ said...

What a wonderful post, Tracy. I did follow these suggestions when our girls were very little, and I know that it's been returned over and over again. Now that two are grown and married, I'm seeing the pattern we modeled for them repeated, Praise God! Very timely in this day and age.
As for the question you asked on my post, yes, I do plan to keep up the color. It's very easy, and something that I enjoy having done. It's two hours to sit and relax, and my hubby loves it so much now, he's fit it into our budget. I really did not mind the gray, but I took the very gentle suggestion of my beloved, and he's the one I strive to please. ;o) Thank you for your compliment!
Good to hear from you, again, Tracy.

Verne said...

Thanks Honey! You do a GREAT job of making me feel special, loved, welcomed home, ect. I love you!


Jennifer said...

Wow. Incredible post.
Thank you, Tracy. I needed this!

Happy Mother's Day!

Becky K. said...

A most excellent post.

Mrs. Anna T said...

I'm so glad I stopped by today. What a fantastic post.

Short Stop said...

Just absolutely incredible. What a post, Tracy. Thank you for sharing your wiseom in this area. I agree with every word and hope that as the years go on, I will be able to love Jason the way you love Verne.

You are such an amazing example to me. I am so thankful that I met you!

randi said...

Great post, Tracy! Very timely for me too. I have dropped the ball in this area lately and for the last couple of days have been trying to get things straight again. I have been reading through Proverbs and writing down all that pertains to marriage and attitudes and relationships. Thanks for this encouragement!


Shelly said...

Thank you, Tracy. This is something that I have really been struggling with and praying about lately. Your words of wisdom have helped me.

David and Lindsey said...

What a great post, Tracy! Thank you so much for this! It really reminded me how blessed I am to have such a godly husband and what an honor it is to serve him! Thanks again! :-)


in company with sparkles said...

Thank you so much for this post Ms. Tracy. Even though I'm not married or in a courtship yet, these will be wonderful reminders.

Momma Roar said...

What a wonderful post and thank you so much for posting it!

I found myself nodding in agreement with everything and I needed some of the reminders!

Also, not only are our children watching, but other family members are too!! :-)

Michele said...

Excellent reminder Tracy, thanks for taking the time to post this. (o:

Marilene said...

Hi Tracy,
yesterday I attended a Mother's Day presentation at school, and the kids were supposed to say what their moms meant to them. Matthias said: "My mom is good to my heart. She loves my dad and our family." I sigh when I think about that. I feel that I so much neglect them by being a full-time working mom. Sometimes after working from 8 to 4, then driving Helena home to stay with the maid, then driving Matthias to violin class, accompaning and taking notes of his class, driving him back home just on time to get both kids changed for swimming class, waiting for another 45 minutes to rush back home and put them in a warm tub, letting them soak while I warm up their pre-cooked supper, and, and, and... and Paulo is there, and asks for nothing, and next morning he greets me with a cup of coffee in bed, which is the best start for me! I don't deserve them. Thanks for your post. We DO need those reminders every now and then.
Have a blessed Mother's Day.