I woke early yesterday morning and started preparing for the day. As I was showering, I heard the phone ring. "Yes. She's in the shower; I'll have her call you back when she's out." As I overheard more chit chat between my husband and his mother, I was thinking, 'But I don't have time to call her back! It's Sunday morning, and I have to prepare lunch before we go to church, finish my hair, clean my shoes, etc.' It's not that I didn't want to talk to my mother in law- I just had so much to do.
I was in the middle of blow-drying my hair when Verne entered the bathroom. I was upside down when he announced, "Abigail wants to make you Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins for breakfast, but she wanted your approval before she started." Sigh. I looked at the clock.
"Okay, but tell her not to double the recipe, and you need to supervise."
Famous last words.
Two minutes later, Verne returned. "She's doing great. Don't forget to call my mom."
As I entered the kitchen, Abigail was filling muffin tins. "Did you spray the pans?"
"No. The recipe didn't say to."
I bit my tongue, grabbed the phone, and started to call my mother in law. As we talked, I threw some make-up on, and got the needed supplies to clean my shoes. I still needed to call my mom, too.
I briefly talked to Grandma and my mom, but felt like neither were really listening. My aunt was in for the weekend to celebrate Mother's Day and Grandma's birthday. Mom was busy cooking breakfast for everyone, and the kitchen was noisy.
Just as I hung up, the oven timer sounded. Abigail grabbed the muffin tins from the oven and placed them, still full, on the cooling racks. "Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Your breakfast is ready!"
"Abigail, you can't leave the muffins sit like that; they'll stick. "
By this time, I was busy making ham barbecue. "Collin-help your sister."
As it turns out, the muffin tins should have been sprayed, and the muffins wouldn't release. Collin and Abigail sat digging muffins out of the tins. Crumbs were everywhere, and the tins were still half full of muffin.
I lost it.
"Verne! I asked you to supervise! Now the kitchen's a mess, and the ingredients are wasted!"
"I did supervise! I told her to spray the tins and she didn't listen!"
So, Mother's Day morning was a fiasco. Abigail was trying to make me a sweet breakfast and I became angry, yelled, and hurt her feelings. Verne and I were fighting, and it wasn't even 9:30 AM.
I took Abigail aside and apologized. I told her that I had been wrong to get angry, and that good mommies don't act that way, which just made her cry harder. "But you are a good mommy. I couldn't have anyone better than you." Which made me cry harder.
I asked her to come eat with me, and told her that some people just eat the muffin tops anyway because they think they're the best part. She sniffled, blew her nose and joined me at the table.
Other than not greasing the tins, she'd actually done a great job. The muffin tops were delicious! Why had I made such a fuss in the first place?
Because I'm selfish. Because I was angry that I had to hurry all morning long. Because... I'm a sinner.
We made it to worship in the nick of time, and I felt awful inside. I'd confessed my sins at home, and asked for Abigail's forgiveness, but I hadn't asked for forgiveness of my heavenly Father. Just as we were about to participate in the Lord's Supper I remembered that Christ died for sinners. Me. I was welcome at His table because I felt remorse, and repented from my sins. What a blessing!
After worship, we had to hurry once again. Our church was singing for another group at a nursing home, and we didn't have much time to get there. As we were lining up Autumn whispered to me, "You look sad."
"Because of this morning."
We often feel grief for what we've done. We don't need to keep asking for forgiveness, but asking for help with our grief is another thing altogether. I prayed. And I prayed some more.
And all afternoon I felt waves of grief come and go. Tears stung my eyes several times as I glanced at Abigail, and she smiled back at me. How could I be so gruff to someone that I love so much?
And today? I still feel grief. But less than I did yesterday. Grief can be good though. It reminds us not to repeat our mistakes, and it's a reminder I'm taking to heart.
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves,
and the truth is not in us.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins
and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:8-9 ESV